Recently I watched The Illusionist and loved it. Afterward I found myself wondering why I related so strongly to the main character, Eisenheim, who’s played by Edward Norton. Perhaps it’s because I’ve played the illusionist myself. We all do, and I find that sometimes I still do, despite attempts to the contrary.
Buying the Lie
Reflecting on the movie I thought of the many illusions that Eisenheim pulled off. How he fooled so many. I wonder how many of us, how many pastors and church leaders, have fooled others—dying inside and desperate to tell someone but with our hidden cries for help and confession going unheard. Plenty of church leaders are hurting, lonely, or struggling in sin, yet we all sincerely want to be real, authentic, pure, and genuine. Too often we buy the lie that we need to keep our masks on, despite all the admonitions in Scripture to confess to one another.
Eisenheim the magician was constantly reminding overenthusiastic fans that his performances were simply illusions, that his audiences weren’t actually seeing the things they believed were reality. In the same way, when I played the illusion game, it might have looked on the outside as if I were peaceful, pure, gentle, and loving, but on the inside I was rotting away and drowning in anxiety, anger, fear, and frustration. I assumed no one knew, that they bought into the illusion, but I was wrong.
Removing the Mask
When I finally got real with my inner circle and laid down my mask, I experienced grace on a whole new level. I thought my friends and family would abandon me if they knew how broken I really was, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. I’d achieved the greatest deception of all: I’d deceived myself. But once the mask came off and the pretender retired, I was welcomed with open arms. Those around me weren’t surprised that I wasn’t perfect; they were kind, full of grace, and genuinely happy that I shared my heart and my struggles with them. In all honesty, my illusions were only fooling myself; others could sense that things weren’t right and were already interceding on my behalf.
I’m a recovering illusionist, and I’m calling on all practicing illusionists to give up. Being broken before your friends and family is extremely humbling, but at the same time, it’s the most freeing thing you could ever experience.
Are you tired of being a fake? Hang up the mask for good, and have a heart-to-heart with those closest to you. I think you’ll be greatly surprised by how they receive you—the real you.
GREG ATKINSON is the director of WorshipHouse Media and founder of MultisensoryWorship.com. He lives in Dallas, Texas.
copyright © 2009 Group Publishing Inc.
